Dear YOU,
I don’t understand. How do you raise a child and not try your hardest to protect them? Emotionally and physically. Why would you allow all the things you did? I’ve been blaming things on you since birth? Well for 18 of those years, YOU were responsible for me. You got those 18 years to show me how to be a responsible, well adjusted person. Instead you both didn’t. You BOTH chose to be distant. I saw abuse in all forms. Mental, emotional, physical. I saw manipulation. I saw lying. I saw cheating. I went to the ER to watch you get your head stitched up then watched as you ran back to who abused you. As an adult myself, you highlight that I did this as well after my first husband abused me. See a pattern? I sure do. Not only from the abuse I SAW but the abuse I RECIEVED as a child. I didn’t have parents, I had people who treated each other like shit and then expected us not to be affected. YOUR experience is definitely not the same as mine. You can’t just act like it all didn’t happen.
Who I am now is not because of you. Who I am is not because of who I chose as a partner. Who I am is up to ME.
Why mock what has happened to me? Why bring it up to others when you can’t reach me? You call me bitter and angry. You showed me that anger and control are what makes things go and expected me not to be my own person or bend over backwards when you manipulated me. You expect access to my kids since you’re a “changed” person. I won’t continue your cycle. You can attack how I parent. You can say I was a shitty mom. You can tell the world how you “begged me to leave my first husband” when you really just told me to figure it out. You can say I’m asking for a ton of attention. You can say whatever you want but I bet you you won’t say you’re sorry. GENUINELY.
I won’t let you close enough to hurt me anymore. I have wondered why no matter what, I have never measured up for you. I wondered what was so wrong with me to make you be the way you are to me. How you disrespected me behind my back to anyone who would listen. How you go out of your way to tell others that you are “good people” and aren’t who I paint you to be. I don’t have to paint you that way, you did that yourself.
You didn’t parent me. You shamed me at every corner. I’m tired of all of it. You lack accountability. You lack empathy. You can’t even begin to deal with your own shit so I’m not even surprised you didn’t want to deal when someone held you accountable for your actions. You thought so lowly of me that you told me you didn’t have to apologize for how you raised me YET YOU HATE THE PERSON YOU CREATED. I figured out nothing is wrong with me. My worth doesn’t lie in how you feel about me or how close of a bond I have with you. I would have LOVED to have a loving set of parents but I didn’t get them so now I get to be the loving parent and you don’t get to diminish that. Regardless of how hard you try to make everyone around you think I’m terrible, you know only what you see online when you look.
Tell everyone the truth.
Lindsey
