Little OLD me. A letter.

If present day me could talk to me 10 years ago, I would say:

Dear 21 year old self,

START SAVING MONEY NOW. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant with Epperly because you will need it to leave. You are in a relationship with someone who IS NOT good to you or for you. He doesn’t get better despite what you try to do to please him. He physically strangles you, punches you while you’re pregnant, chases you down and holds his hands over your mouth while you scream. He will sexually abuse you. He will control how you eat, drink, and LIVE every single day of your life and you do not deserve it. It is not normal. He does not own you and you are not trapped. Don’t let how he treats you dim your light. It does ultimately happen for just a little while because we thought he was saving us from our parents.

Save the money please so you can go far away. Tell your friends when he holds you down and when he gives you the black eye. Please don’t let it go unreported when you go to the hospital with a cut above your ear from him punching you. The ”good days“ are not real. You are dealing with a broken person who wants you to feel just as broken as him. Do not feel like you have to fix him because it won’t work. He need to fix HIMSELF.

Please hold on to your confidence. You don’t need to lose weight because you ARE BEAUTIFUL the way you are. You are enough. You don’t need the material shit to be happy. You just need YOU and Epperly once she’s born. You can do this alone because you do finally leave a year after she’s born. You can do this, I promise you. It will be dark for just a little while but it will soon change and be brighter for you.

You will have 5 kids! You will find someone who loves you for you. You will find yourself.

From 2020 back to you, you will survive the hard shit.