I’m sorry. For me.

I am so sorry. I’m sorry I waited so long to take care of you. I’m sorry for not loving you enough because everyone else convinced you that you weren’t worthy of it. Everything was conditional or had strings attached to earn their love, but I should have loved you anyway. You felt like you weren’t enough and I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up when you felt that way. You feel like no one one wants to take the time to dig deeper, but I will. You deserve the time taken for you. I’m sorry you lived with the fear that you’d always be abused in some way and it was your fault. It wasn’t your fault. You didn‘t ask to have to defend your own parent from the other while they were fighting. You were too young to deal with that, but you did and I’m sorry you had to. You are so strong. But those experiences aren’t what should have been what made you that way. I’m sorry you grew up thinking you’d never get out of it. I know you felt trapped and I’m sorry I couldn’t show you the way out. What went on wasn’t normal. You shouldn’t have had to be a referee for your parents fights as a child or teenager. They didn’t deal with their own trauma so it flowed over to you. That’s not your fault.

I’m sorry that you felt like someone had to save you so you looked for that anywhere you could. A man can’t save you regardless of how much your parents shoved that down your throat. Friends can’t save you. It took a long time for you to figure out that it was YOU who has to do that and now you are. I’m so proud of you. That’s something you didn’t hear a lot growing up or much in your adult life. You make me proud. What you’ve done with yourself AND who you’re becoming, I’m proud of that. You are doing the work and changing things for YOU finally. Keep going. You’ll be happier doing that and I’ll be right here for you. ♥️